I was living in constant fear – in survival mode. I would say I was not really conscious or mindful of my actions. It felt like I had tunnel vision all of those years before.
When I was 7-8 years old, I was sexually assaulted.
I grew up in a chaotic environment, where I witnessed a lot of fights in my household, and was abused verbally and at times, physically. Despite the fact that on the outside, it looked like I had it altogether, but I really didn’t. I was a good student and involved in many activities (dance, extracurricular activities, modelling & acting jobs in Indonesia, performing at concerts, etc.). But to be honest, looking back at it now, those extracurricular activities, for instance, were my ways of escaping the discomfort within me and the unsafe and chaotic home environment.
By the age of 14, I started to have intrusive thoughts and was suicidal. But there was also a part of me that believed there is something good out there for me. That I deserved to feel good and safe. So I fought and continued with my life, but still did not address the root cause yet.
It was until I was 20 years old and in the middle of my University years, when everything came to the surface. The memories, feelings, emotions, and sensations. The intrusive thoughts and emotional pain came back 10x stronger, which led me to hospitalization. I will not go into the details of this part of my journey but if you would like to listen to my story of here.
I sought professional support from psychologists and psychiatrists, and was diagnosed with PTSD, CPTSD & BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).
I really thought I was broken.
I realized how the suppressed pain that I was carrying within me then sabotaged my relationships, studies, career, and physical health. For so many years, my immune system was so weak that I would get sick so easily. When there was a virus going around, I would get it in a snap. I have also struggled with eczema. I felt so fragile, broken, and hopeless. My confidence level was at an all-time low.
I then turned to holistic health because after seeking professional support (psychologists and psychiatrists) in 3 different countries, I did not see or felt any shifts from several sessions of traditional talk therapy and after taking psychiatric medications. I was also turned away by psychologists and psychiatrists in Indonesia when I told them of my diagnosis. To put it plainly, there is still so much stigma and especially around BPD.
I learned later on that trauma affects us emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and energetically, which what was happening to me! It made a lot of sense.
We need to address an issue holistically. As a human, we are not just our mind, we are our mind, body, and soul.
I was introduced to holistic health when I started to explore different healing modalities in Bali after being turned away by the psychologists and psychiatrists I went to in Jakarta. I then started to experience some shifts within me.
I started to have hope and motivation.
Inspired by my own healing journey, I decided to learn everything I could about trauma healing/recovery.
From my own healing journey, I was already learning different modalities. I started with Reiki because that was the modality that initiated my healing journey, but I didn’t really think I was going to use it for anything else other than for myself and for my family.
Then, despite after having graduated with a business degree and working in corporations, I followed a calling to pursue my passion in holistic health. I landed on a program about holistic health from the Institute of Integrative Nutrition (IIN). At that time, I have never heard of a coach before other than a fitness coach. Back then, being a trauma-informed & trained somatic coach was not really known yet.
Even though, IIN is not specifically focused on healing trauma, I loved their holistic approach to healing and there were great and well-known lecturers and teachers, so I enrolled myself in the program. I've learned so much on how to heal my mind and body from within and using our food. I applied what I learned to my daily routine and saw remarkable changes in myself. I also follow Anthony William's Medical Medium Protocol. However, I knew I needed to go deeper and continue finding the missing puzzle pieces to healing and recovery.
I became interested in the subconscious mind and how 95-99% of our thoughts, behaviors and actions come from our subconscious mind! So I travelled to London and took a training in Clinical Hypnotherapy, to learn deeper about the subconscious mind and be able to work with it.
From there, I started to help others – mostly with people who suffered from chronic illness, dealing with grief, digestive, hormonal, and relationship issues.
However, something still didn’t sit quite right yet with me. I was helping others and having great results, but it still didn’t feel completely aligned. Deep inside I knew that I felt a strong and deeper call to help others in healing trauma, however I also felt fearful toward that idea because I didn’t feel like I could do it.
So intuitively, I continued my own healing, by doing some bodywork and breathwork. And then, I travelled to the Himalayas, India, where I trained in Himalayan Kundalini yoga with Anand Mehrotra, which was one of the greatest decisions in my life that cracked me open even more and shed even deeper layers of pain, trauma, and limiting beliefs.
I started to really believe in myself.
After that, I started to integrate yoga in my work.
This was the beginning of introducing somatic (body-based) approach to my work.
Then, I found the work of Peter Levine, Stephen Porges and David Bercelli, and continued on to trauma-informed somatic therapy, breathwork, bodywork, and trauma release. That was the moment when I truly felt the alignment and felt so “at home” with the practices and my work. I realized that even though I was already helping others to overcome their psychosomatic symptoms and it was necessary for me to go through all of those other trainings before.
The combination of ancient teachings (ancient yogic teachings) with modern teachings (neuroscience, Polyvagal Theory, Somatic Therapy) have helped me to go deeper in my healing journey as well as my clients'.
Over the years, I have helped people from around the world, changed their lives from illness, pain, dissatisfaction, and suppression to health, resilience, openness, clarity, compassion, awareness, and knowing themselves deeper.
Despite everything I've gone through and learned, I am not above you or anyone else. I continuously walk on this path.
To this day, I continue implementing the practices in my daily routine and receive support from my Somatic & Trauma Release mentor, Shamanic Healer, Network Spinal Analysis Practitioner & Somato-Respiratory Integration Practitioner. By doing the work myself and receiving support and care from others, allow me to maintain my energy and show up better in my life, which includes fully showing up for my clients, friends, and family.
I am passionate about this work and I always want the best for you and everyone. I've learned that I am not broken, neither are you, because truthfully no one is.
With everything I've experienced and learned, both personally and professionally, my mission is to help people release trauma and stress, and regulate their nervous system through mind, body, and soul approach.
My vision is to normalize trauma healing from a holistic lens and that everyone should take the time to learn deeper about themselves, so the world can be a better & safe place.
I look forward to supporting you in your healing journey in any way that I can.
If you would like to work together, please click on my 'offerings' to learn more.